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Turning Point offers abused women the help they need
Note: This is the seventh in a weekly series of articles submitted
by the United Way of Union County that will run during the course of its annual campaign. Each week will feature
a different United Way program. This week’s article features Turning Point.
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This colorful mural explaining that "hands
are not for hitting" hangs inside a play area at Turning Point, the domestic violence shelter serving Union
County. It serves as a reminder that children are affected by abuse situations.
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She knew it was going to be a bad night by the way he slammed the car door shut when
he got home. She’d been living in fear all day, knowing what kind of night it might be when he came home from work.
Sure enough, she could tell by the way he walked in the door. The sound of his footsteps told the kids that it
was time to split, get of the way, or hide.
She’d been sneaking calls to the hotline for weeks. He’d recently gotten out of jail for the domestic violence
charge, and now was more controlling than ever. He would call her every 20 minutes to make sure she was home and
wasn’t on the phone. As soon as he hung up, she would call the hotline and talk for a few minutes, then nervously
get off the line to await his next check-in. She wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without him. She had no car keys.
She was literally a prisoner in her own home.
These tales of fear were related by Donna Thomas, Victims’ Rights Coordinator for Turning Point, a United Way Member Agency that offers a
number of programs for victims of domestic violence. She assists women and their children through real life nightmares,
helping those who remain in abusive relationships cope with the daily struggle, and helping those who get out of
their abusive relationships rebuild their lives. |
"I had a client who had a broken jaw," Thomas said. "We took her
to the hospital to have the jaw re-wired and the entire time we were at the hospital, she kept saying that she
needed to talk to the jail chaplain. So when we got back, we made that connection. She wanted the chaplain to tell
her husband that she would not cooperate with the prosecutor. Her level of fear was so intense because she knew
he wasn’t going to be in jail forever, so she wanted to make sure that he knew she wasn’t going to cooperate with
the prosecutor. When we went to court the next day, she was given a protection order and tore it up in front of
the judge and the bailiff. It took two years for her to get out of that relationship and in a healthy place."
Thomas says that after an immediate crisis of danger has passed, victims often wonder if they made the right move
by leaving a relationship. They become overwhelmed, thinking about how they’re going to pay the rent, find day
care, feed the kids, and pay the bills "if he’s not here." That’s where Turning Point can help. Providing
emergency shelter, food, transportation, individual and group education, support groups, victims’ rights advocacy,
information, referral, and children’s programs, Turning Point offers women a safe, viable option to the terror
they are living with at home.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, providing another opportunity to inform and educate the general population
about the magnitude of the problem. Turning Point served 378 Union County residents last year and is on pace to
surpass that total in 2005. Statistics show that the issue crosses socio-economic lines, affecting low-income,
middle class, and wealthy families alike. Turning Point officials say that there is an increase in the number of
older women utilizing its services. Women in their 50’s who have waited until their children have grown up and
left the house before ending the relationship with their abusive spouse.
Perpetrators are not necessarily the young adult male stumbling home from a bar with alcohol on his breath abusing
his wife when he gets home.
"He’s not the stereotypical character," said Thomas. "He’s an executive. He’s a doctor. He’s your
plumber. He’s the helpful guy at the store who always goes to find what you need. He’s the person that’s a lot
of fun to be around. Most people are shocked to find that somebody is an abuser. They are good manipulators of
people, and the victim has such shame that she doesn’t want that information to get out."
That’s why Thomas says it’s critical that family members and friends who know someone in an abusive relationship
lend an ear, listen, and believe the stories they are being told.
"It starts out with emotional abuse," Thomas said. "People who are abusers have low self-esteem
and a low self-image. They are very fearful. So they need control of their surroundings to feel comfortable. That’s
one of their reasons for isolating their victims. They make it so their victim no longer has friends and is uncomfortable
going to family. Then there’s nobody telling her that this doesn’t look right.
"It usually starts out with verbal abuse. Often it even starts out before a marriage. It’s the putdowns. It’s
telling you that nobody else would want you. It’s telling you that you’re too fat, too thin, too neat, and too
sloppy. You can’t do anything right. It’s always keeping your victim off-kilter. Victims describe it as walking
on eggshells."
Victims can utilize Turning Point services even if they are still in the abusive relationship. They don’t even
have to go to the Marion shelter for help. Turning Point offers a weekly Peer Support Group that meets confidentially
in each of the six counties it serves. Victims can also schedule one-on-one meetings with professionals who will
meet secretly with them to discuss their situations. Thomas says the agency can even help those who recognize their
own fault.
"I had a call one day from a young man who called because he saw that he was starting to treat his girlfriend
the way his father treated his mother. I started talking about our services and he responded by saying he already
knew about our services because ‘I was there in your shelter with my mother when I was younger.’ He reached out
for help and recognized what he was doing."
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FAST FACTS ABOUT TURNING POINT:
- 2005 United Way allocation was $20,000 (or 2% of its budget).
- Staffs a 24-hour, 7-day a week crisis hotline at (800) 232-6505.
- Offers a website at www.turningpoint6.com full of information about how
to identify red flags in your relationships and how to seek help if needed.
- Turning Point recently moved into a new facility which has more space for clients
and office space. 22 rooms in a former assisted living facility have been converted for use.
- 98% of domestic violence victims are women.
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